Not The End
by Auntie Shred
Summary: Post-Loyalty with spoilers, of course . Alex's POV.


**Title: Not the End**

**POV: Alex Eames**

**Setting: Post-Loyalty**

* * *

For half an hour after Bobby left, Alex Eames stayed in the captain's office, staring out the window and wandering around the room. She wouldn't sit behind the desk - it still felt like it belonged to Danny Ross. It had taken her months to stop thinking of it as Deakins' office five years ago; it was never going to be hers.

She kept trying to think about what to do next, but she couldn't get past the grief and anger she felt at having to fire her partner, her best friend, the best cop she knew. She realized she should probably work through this somewhere else, but she had no desire to walk through the squad room with all eyes on her. Did they know? How had Bobby done it? No way was she going to clean out her desk now.

Finally she noticed that Nichols was watching her from his desk. At that moment, his new partner spoke to him. He turned his attention to her, but in two minutes he was at the office door.

"Eames? You don't, um, seem okay," he said.

She waved him in. "I'm not." She took a deep breath before continuing. "You heard they offered to make me captain of MCS?"

He nodded slowly. "But I take it congratulations are not in order?"

"Not when the first thing they wanted me to do was..." She hadn't been able to say the words to Bobby, and they still caught in her throat. "...fire Goren."

"Whoa."

"Yeah, or else they were going to drag him through the mud." Anger flared painfully in her chest.

Nichols sank into the nearest chair. "I saw him go out a while ago; how did he take it?"

"Pretty well." Alex was surprised at the steadiness of her voice, considering how shaky she felt. "Better than I did."

"I'm sorry, Eames. Neither of you deserved that."

She nodded at him in thanks, and took another deep breath as she saw his gaze fall on her badge and gun lying on the desk.

His hand rose slowly, and he pointed. "Does that mean what I think it means?"

"Yep. I did what they wanted, but I can't stay under Moran's thumb."

"I understand that." He stood and offered his hand. "It's been an honor working with you."

"For me, too," she replied, shaking his hand. "Good luck with Stevens – she seems all right."

Nichols pulled out his wallet and rifled through the business cards there. He selected one and handed it to her. "This is a consulting company - they'd jump at the chance to have you and Goren."

She studied it. "Is this where you were while you were off the job?"

"Some of the time," he said with a grin. "Just consider it... a possibility."

With help from Nichols she made her escape. He walked with her to her desk, and as they talked she casually put a few of her personal items into a plastic shopping bag. They strolled to the elevators. When the doors slid open, his only farewell was a brief touch on her arm.

"So," she said, keeping her voice brisk and business-like, "I'll let you know about that contact."

Alex stepped out of the elevator at the parking deck level. As she neared her car she saw a folded paper tucked under the windshield wiper, and her heart did a little flip.

Before she unlocked the car she reached for the note. It wasn't signed, but she recognized Bobby's handwriting. It said, "I'll call you tonight."

The tension in her jaw relaxed a bit. She carefully refolded the paper and tucked it into her purse with a smile.

On the way home she realized with a jolt that she needed to call her family. As much as she felt like going home and curling into the fetal position, or else punching a hole in a wall, she wanted her family to hear about this fiasco from her and not the grapevine. She shuddered and pushed the gas pedal down a little harder. She decided to call her dad, then her sister; they could deal with the others.

* * *

Alex hung up the phone with a sigh. Her father had been understandably upset – he'd spread blame everywhere from the Mayor's office to the FBI. In the end he'd sadly concurred with her choice. Her sister had been more consoling, inviting Alex to visit for a weekend to spend time with her nephew. She'd also promised to keep their brothers away for now.

After she'd taken care of her family, Alex made a cup of tea and sat down to wait for Bobby's call. A glance at the clock showed it was well past ten, though it only seemed like minutes since she'd come home. When had she last eaten? It didn't matter – she wasn't hungry.

She sat in the living room, warming her hands around the mug as she slowly sipped her tea. Her mind had finally calmed enough to consider her situation. She was going to miss the squad room and the challenge of Major Case, but she didn't regret her decision to resign. The department had treated Bobby so badly that she wouldn't be able to trust the chain of command if she stayed. And she felt that both the FBI and NYPD had failed Ross. No, she'd changed too much over the past few days to be content in Major Case any more.

Where did she go from here? Surprisingly, that didn't worry her. She felt serene. Maybe it was numbness. Maybe shock would hit like a truck. But maybe not. Resigning hadn't been a spur-of-the-moment decision. As soon as Moran and Maas had said her first duty as captain of MCS would be to fire Goren, the idea had begun forming. The trick now would be to land on her feet.

Alex wanted Bobby to land on his feet, too. She didn't want to lose him, and that was where uncertainty became fear: what if he decided to leave New York altogether?

The tea was gone, but she still cradled the mug against her stomach, milking the last bit of warmth. She usually sat in this chair to watch the news at this time of the evening, but the TV held no interest tonight.

The ringing phone shook her out of a light doze. She took a deep breath as she reached for the receiver, hoping it was Bobby and not one of her brothers.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me," came Bobby's quiet greeting. He sounded normal, and for a split second she expected him to roll right into a discussion of evidence, suspects and witnesses, just like so many of their phone calls. He probably felt the same strangeness. "I tried your cell, but it went right to voice mail."

"It's… back at One PP," she said slowly. Now that the time had come, she wasn't sure how to tell him.

He chuckled. "Captains don't get to turn off their phones, you know."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Didn't they mention that?" When she didn't respond his voice became sharper. "Eames, what? What is it?"

"Bobby, I need to tell you…" Her earlier serenity was fading fast. "After…" She swallowed the lump in her throat. "After you left, I told Moran I wasn't going to take the captain's exam."

He was silent.

"And… I resigned."

Still silence, though it sounded as though he was pacing.

"Bobby, I cannot report to that man! He has no respect for me, and the feeling is mutual."

Alex had more to say, but she let Bobby absorb her news. She heard the short huffs of his breaths.

Finally he spoke, and his voice was soft. "Are you okay?"

She felt tears quickly forming, and her throat tightened. "I will be. Right now I'm kind of running on autopilot, you know? How 'bout you?"

"Me? I'm good. I knew this was coming eventually."

"But not from me!"

"Eames… I told you, it was better this way." Bobby sighed, and she thought he might be choked up, too. "Look, the phone isn't the best…"

"Yeah, not the best way to have this conversation," she said.

"Do you have to go in tomorrow?" he asked.

"No," she replied. "I offered Moran two weeks' notice, but he said Maas would stay on until a new captain's chosen." Moran hadn't sounded very upset; his reaction strengthened her confidence that she'd made the right decision. "Let's meet for breakfast."

"You could, um, come here," he said, sounding shy. "I'll make breakfast."

Alex smiled broadly. "Will you make me an omelet?"

"Sure – I make great omelets."

"You'll have to clean off your table," she said, remembering the last time she'd been in his kitchen. The table top had been invisible under scattered papers, his laptop and printer.

"That's all gone. The walls are clear, too. Clean slate, and all that."

"Okay, then," she said, "it's safe to come over. I'll call when I'm leaving tomorrow." She remembered she had a cantaloupe ripening on her kitchen counter – she'd bring it along.

"Good."

Alex was reluctant to end the call, and it seemed Bobby was, too. They both let the silence extend. He finally wished her sweet dreams, and she said good night.

* * *

"Have you called HR yet?" Bobby asked. He'd let her wash the dishes after breakfast, while he dried and put them away.

"No, I need to do that today," Alex said, setting the dripping frying pan in the drain board. She fished around in the soapy water and found one more spoon she'd missed. Once it was clean, she borrowed the dish towel from Bobby to dry her hands.

"I have an appointment at one-thirty," he said. "We can go together. I'm going to the union office, too."

Alex watched as he put away the rest of the things and hung the towel to dry. For most of their partnership she'd felt comfortable with him; their meal together this morning had added a lovely domestic dimension to that sense of ease. She no longer worried about losing him.

"Thanks for breakfast," she said, opening her arms wide to Bobby. "Thanks for everything."

He leaned down into her hug, and held her close for a long moment. When he loosened his hold he kissed her – on the lips this time. It was brief, but it brought a big smile to them both. Alex pulled him back for a longer kiss.

"How about," he said, "if we work on our resumes this morning?"

She fell against his chest, laughing. "You're such a romantic, Goren."

His arms tightened again, and she felt a kiss on top of her head. "I found a website with some good boilerplates we can use." Trust Bobby to keep the situation from becoming syrupy.

"I haven't touched my resume since Deakins left," she said.

"Why did you do it then?" Bobby drew back to look at her face with curiosity. "Were you thinking about…?"

"No, Deakins told me to do it. It was at his retirement dinner – one of his parting words of wisdom. I went home and updated it the next day." She stroked Bobby's arm, happy that he wanted to keep her close. "It was before we even met Ross, before the business with Jo Gage." Before he had a chance to follow through on that thought, she asked, "Have you kept your resume up to date?"

"Mmm, not for a while, but I used to do it every year."

"You know," Alex said, "with this economy, we picked a really bad time to start a job search."

He shrugged. "There's work if you know where to look."

Alex gazed up at him. He looked relaxed and happy, and she had to admit she felt that way, too, regardless of the fact they were both unemployed. They were so comfortable in this new closeness – she honestly hadn't foreseen that at all, but it felt natural.

She wanted to ask him if he felt the same, but his phone rang before she could form the thoughts into words. He patted her shoulder as he turned away to answer.

"Hello…. Hi, Tom." Bobby looked pointedly at Alex. It had to be Tom Jeffreys from MCS. "Thanks, I appreciate that. … It's all right, I'll be okay. … Thank you, same to you."

Alex motioned that she'd give him privacy for the call, but he touched her arm to keep her from moving away.

"Well, I have her number," he said. "Why?" There was a long pause as he listened. "Okay, I'll see if I can get in touch with her." He winked at her. "Thanks for letting me know. … You too, Tom. Bye."

He set the receiver down and looked at her with his characteristic head-tilt. She knew it couldn't be too serious; he had a mischievous grin on his lips.

"What happened?" she asked.

Bobby nodded toward the kitchen table, and they sat down facing each other. "The Commissioner was upset when he heard that Moran let you go like that."

"Upset?"

"Tom said he blew a gasket. He came into the squad room this morning, and dragged Maas right into the captain's office."

"Ooh, sounds unpleasant." She smiled cheerfully.

"Moran showed up five minutes later, and the three of them were in there for half an hour. Apparently they tried to call you, but you weren't answering your home phone."

She arched her eyebrows as she touched his hand. "I met a friend for breakfast." Bobby's hand turned and grasped hers. She became serious as she said, "I'm not going back to MCS, Bobby."

"Well, maybe they want to offer you something even better," he said. However, his grin wasn't quite as relaxed as it was ten minutes ago.

She felt apprehensive again. She'd been building up her hope that she and Bobby could work together somewhere. The brass might want her to stay in the NYPD, but they weren't likely to welcome him back.

A squeeze on her hand brought her back to Bobby's kitchen, back to his earnest eyes. "Don't worry about it," he said. "All you have to do is listen. You don't have to accept, and you don't have to decide right away."

"Yeah, but I was hoping to spend the morning with you. Resumes – remember?"

He released her hand. "You could, um, go there when I go to HR this afternoon."

Alex wasn't sure she wanted to hear what the Commissioner had to say. His office was on the same floor as Moran's, and she definitely didn't want to run into the Chief.

"You wanted to make captain, Alex," he said.

She chafed her hands as she looked at him steadily. "Did I?" She could remember wanting it badly, but that was years ago. Right now it seemed like she was being offered a cheap trinket in a bad bargain. Surely he understood that.

"Did you?" he asked right back at her. His expression was neutral. He was probably trying not to influence her one way or the other.

"A long time ago, when I was a different person." She sighed. "Okay, I can listen. It's going to have to be some fantastic offer, though…." She stood. "I'll call them in a little while – to give you time to find me and pass on Jeffreys' message."

* * *

"Detective Eames. Thanks for coming in so quickly." Police Commissioner Tom Nolan stood and came around his desk to shake hands with Alex, then gestured to the man who'd opened the office door for her. "Have you met Deputy Commissioner John Risoli?" Risoli also shook her hand, and they all sat down.

Alex breathed a little easier when it became apparent that this meeting wouldn't include Chief Moran. She knew Risoli was in charge of the Intelligence group in NYPD's counter terrorism unit; he had a reputation as a brilliant and well-liked leader. This discussion might be interesting after all.

"Detective, we owe you an apology," the Commissioner said. "You should never have been put in the position of accepting a captain's position under those circumstances. It wasn't right to manipulate you into doing someone else's dirty work."

His apology was a huge surprise. She'd figured Nolan might not approve of what Moran had done, but she'd also figured he'd just let the unpleasantness be swept under the rug. She was also encouraged to hear Goren's firing spoken of as dirty work.

"Thank you, sir," she said, "it was very difficult, since I disagreed."

"I understand, and I appreciate your professional behavior throughout."

He continued with a review of Alex's accomplishments and honors in the NYPD. He had a folder open on his desk – hers, obviously – and he referred to it as he spoke. He never brought up the reprimand she and Ross had received as part of the business at Tates Correctional, though it had to be right there in front of him. She noticed as well that he was very careful in his references to her partner. When he did mention Goren, his words were strictly neutral. He was sympathetic about the death of Ross.

Finally he got to the point of the meeting. "Detective Eames, the police department can't afford to lose a good cop like you."

Alex's first thought was about Bobby – the department shouldn't be losing a good cop like him, either. But she knew it wouldn't help him or her to bring up that complaint just then. She sat up straighter in her chair and refocused her attention on the Commissioner.

By this point she wasn't exactly surprised when Nolan made her an offer of another job in the NYPD. However the details were amazing: a position as a team leader in the Intelligence group, reporting directly to Deputy Commissioner Risoli. Alex would select her team, which would be based in Brooklyn. The two men gave her a brief overview of Intel's charter and achievements, and the duties of team leaders.

"Take all the time you need to think it over," Nolan said. "I'm sure you'll have questions for us."

She had one question ready, but wasn't sure if she could ask it directly. "Sir, you said I could choose my own team…"

Nolan caught on immediately. "Goren?" She nodded, and he sighed, leaning back in his chair. "Your partner has an enviable record as a detective, but his… diplomatic skills have been a different story. I agree with you that his firing was badly handled…."

"…but you don't want him back in the NYPD," she finished for him. She hoped they didn't notice a tremor in her voice.

The Commissioner rose and came from behind his desk to sit on the edge of it. He crossed his arms over his chest as he spoke. "This is all informal at this point, you understand."

Alex's heart leaped.

He went on. "From time to time I get requests from federal agencies, looking to recruit from among our ranks. Recently there was an opening that calls for skills in investigation. If it's agreeable to Detective Goren, I'd be happy to recommend him."

She was much more stunned than she'd been by her own job offer. She cleared her throat to make sure she didn't choke up, and said, "That's very good of you, sir. I'm sure Detective Goren will appreciate your effort."

"One of my aides will be contacting him today," Nolan said.

"Well, I – he – was going to come into HR today, I think," Alex said. "I, uh, spoke to him this morning."

Nolan considered that for a moment, and went out to his administrative assistant. They had a brief discussion, and Nolan returned to the office. "We'll see if we can save him another trip in. Good thing you happened to know he'd be here."

She allowed herself a tiny smile. "Partner habits die hard, sir." She stood

"They sure do," he replied. He held out his hand again. "Think it over, Detective."

"I will. Thank you again." She shook his hand and turned to Risoli. "Thank you, sir."

Alex left the office and strode to the elevator. No one else was waiting there. Only when the doors had closed did she let herself blow out a huge breath and lean back against the wall. She clapped her hand over her mouth and laughed.

* * *

The November air was cold, but there was no wind. Alex had chosen a bench in the sun, and she was comfortable enough as she waited on the plaza outside One PP. They'd agreed that whoever was finished first would wait there for the other. Only her hands were cold – she shoved them in her pockets, and wondered why she hadn't thought to take gloves when she went home to change for the meeting with Nolan.

She finally saw Bobby emerge, his unbuttoned black overcoat flapping around his legs as he approached. He looked handsome in his dark suit and white shirt. She remained seated on the bench as he approached.

"Well?" she said as soon as he was close enough to hear.

He sat down next to her, put both hands to his mouth and took a deep breath. It was a long time before he finally turned his head and stole a glance at her. "This is the second time in two days for me to congratulate you," he said with a grin. "Maybe you'll stick with this job a little longer?"

Alex tucked her arm through his. "I'll try."

"Intel, huh? Not bad, Eames. You deserve it."

"My team'll be working out of Brooklyn. Sooo, maybe I'll get to see you, if this – if you –"

He scratched his neck and fidgeted as though he'd like to be pacing. Alex let go of his arm, but he remained beside her. "What did Nolan tell you?" he asked.

"He said 'federal agency´ and a bunch of if's. That's all I know. So what's the deal? Are you going to file for unemployment or not?"

Bobby leaned down and whispered three letters in her ear, then watched her reaction.

"Wow! Oh, Bobby, that's great!" She hugged his arm again. "But… will you have to move? Or travel?"

He shrugged and patted her hand where it lay on his arm. "Nolan didn't say anything about that, just that he'll put them in touch with me, and that it involves research and investigations."

"Put me down for a reference."

"He, uh, also said they'll let me resign, and bridge me to retirement. I guess – you know, avoiding trouble – in case I wanted to fight it."

"The Deakins plan." Alex nodded. "I'm glad, Bobby."

Bobby slid his arm out of her grasp and reached across her shoulders to hold her. They both leaned back against the bench and were quiet with their thoughts for a while. His fingers lightly stroked her upper arm. The plaza around them was busy, but neither was in a hurry to leave.

Alex wanted him to stay in New York, close to her, but even if he had to travel for a new job, she now was hopeful she could still see a lot of him. She was thrilled with this new dimension in their relationship, and wanted to give it a chance to grow.

Bobby said, "There's also that consulting company Nichols told you about. I could look into that."

"Mm-hmm," she replied, shifting so she leaned more fully against his side. "You know, I wouldn't be surprised if that FBI agent…"

"Agent Stahl?"

"Yeah, her. I bet she shows up with a job offer, too."

"For me?" He tilted his head to catch her eye.

"Yes, you. You ticked her off, but you also impressed her."

"Right," he said with a short laugh. "Alex, she said I was insane."

She gave him a gentle nudge with her elbow. "I'm just saying," she said, "don't be surprised if you hear from them. I told you, Bobby: you're the best."

He didn't answer, but she felt his lips press against her temple. He let his cheek rest on top of her head.

"You know," she said, feeling her throat tighten as she approached a painful memory, "yesterday, when you said, 'See you around,' I thought… I was afraid it was – I don't know – the end."

His arm, still around her shoulders, tensed up. "No."

"I was so relieved when I saw your note on my car."

Bobby was silent for a long time, and she imagined he was reliving their emotional parting last night. He finally said, "Leaving the job wasn't as tough as I thought it would be, but…" He took a couple deep breaths before continuing. "Leaving you… that was…"

"I know." Alex reached for his hand on her shoulder and pulled it to her lips. "For me, too."

As they'd been talking, the sun had gone behind the buildings, and Alex felt the cold seeping in. She couldn't stop the shiver that ran through her.

Bobby rubbed her shoulder. "You're cold?"

"And hungry – it's been a long time since breakfast. Hey," she said, "on your first day of retirement, how about if we go for the early bird dinner special?"

They chuckled together, and Bobby replied, "Or we could make dinner at my place."

"That'd be nice, too." She made no effort to move yet. "I'll help cook this time."

Bobby released her and braced his hands on his knees. "I have steak and chicken in the freezer. What do you like? Or we could pick up something at the grocery store."

"Mmm, the store." Alex stood and adjusted her coat. She gave him her brightest smile as she held out her hand. "Let's get a bottle of wine, too."

Bobby ignored her outstretched hand and reached to touch her cheek. He stood slowly, leaning close to kiss her. When he straightened up, he grasped her hand. "Okay, let's head for home."

* * *

THE END


End file.
